~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~it's all about the love~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Thoughtful Thursday

Been doing some pondering - not always a good thing for me, more not than good actually. With a horrible weekend behind me and an even worse Monday, I saw my therapist yesterday.

It was a good appointment, we've worked up a good rapport (I totally just tried to spell that repoire - ack - twice) and once I got used to her sort of brash, in your face manner, I've been finding her helpful. That in itself is odd because usually female anythings don't do it for me - doctors, nurses, shrinks, you name it. We discussed my slip up on Monday and did the pros and cons of what happened. It turned out to be more in the pros column which was a shock but great surprise for me. Basically what I did, got me to group where I needed to be and it always jumped started something in my head so I was able to get "out of my head". Tuesday and Wednesday were much better days, more productive and calmer emotion-wise. So despite the failure it was to my skills set, my action had some benefit which is a relief.

One thing my therapist did ask me was since I have two releases out this week - how was I celebrating? I paused for a very long time - mind searching for some way to celebrate but more importantly, some reason for celebrating with the release of two very insignificant short stories. And unfortunately, that's how they seem to me - insignificant in the land of m/m where authors who write novel-length works are my heroes and also my intimidators. Due to all the batting around of insecurity and excuses of why my "short stories" were inadequate and silly in the sea of "good stories", I had no answer for her. So she told me what to do - "go out and by yourself some flowers". I thought she was damn crazy - not that I'd never bought flowers for myself in a casual way but to buy them specifically for something I'd done, something I should be proud of - preposterous, especially since it always confuses me whether I have anything to BE proud of.

I'm not sure what it is with me that having two under 10,000 word stories coming out just seems lame because I love other people's short stories and don't feel they are lame or inadequate or insignificant. Finally Home was 30,000 but it still seems small pittance to me compared to anyone else's work. I'm not sure how to get out of this mindset. I mean I do have WIPs that will be considered novel-sized when I'm done, but I'm not so sure if even those will strike some achievement chord in me. Is that something you have earn or learn?  Anyhow, as you can see I did buy the flowers and even wrote myself a little card - my family all think I'm nuts but that's nothing different.

My birthday is in 3 days - not something I ever look forward to, plus there's Valentines' Day which, with the state of my marriage, is definitely no big deal. How about someone just give me this, just for a day and then I can be content. ☺
PS - did you see him on Glee - and no I don't usually watch - but BAZINGA. He made me so happy I cried.


  1. I think the fact that you have publishers who believe in your work enough to have it published, shows that yes, it does matter.
    No matter how small the write-up is, if it's good enough to be published by credible publishers, then it is a great story, and I think you should feel very proud of yourself. I know I am :D.

  2. No matter how small the story, getting it finished and accepted and published is definitely something to be proud of. Like I-Talk said, your publishers obviously believed in your work -- and you should, too. I can't recall the number of times I've seen bigger name authors claim that they can't write shorts or that short stories seem harder to write than full-lengths. Writing a good short is not a talent every author possesses, so be proud of the fact that you can!

  3. Getting anything accepted and published is something to be very, very proud of because it takes both talent and guts. It's taken me years to work up the courage to submit anything to a publishers so you should definitely be proud every time you do that, and doubly so when the story is accepted.

    I read Love and Patience this morning and it was a lovely, sweet little story. Just perfect for the holiday.

  4. I think you should be really proud because it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there. Doesn't matter if it's a short story or a novel. You have accomplished more than most people ever will. I agree. You need a special treat to celebrate.

    I did watch Glee the other night and I actually thought about you. I figured you would be enjoying his appearance. :D

  5. No matter how short the stories are, you wrote them and the stories are published ... so enough reason to celebrate and do something for yourself.

    Be proud of what you have accomplished. I am!

    Miss you lots! Hugs

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. I had a female therapist once who basically told me in the first session to get off my ass and decide if I want to controlled by those around me or if I wanted to be the one in control of myself. Best therapist I ever had! I'm glad to see you're connecting with yours.

    As for the writing - I love short stories. It takes a special skill to write a good one. You can't just write whatever. There's a certain structure that's different from novels. It's hard to get a wholesome story into few words and keep the whole thing organic until the end. You're fitting a novel-worth of emotions and plot into a few pages. You need to pluck out all that's unnecessary and keep the basics without making the story uninteresting. I highly respect good short story authors and you know I very much enjoyed Outfoxed ^.^ Four short stories out in under a year is no small feat!

    It takes time to learn to appreciate your own writing. Every negative review will break you down, but you'll develop thicker skin if you push through it and continue writing. The more you write the more skilled you'll get, and since you're already extremely skilled I can only imagine how you'll be two years from now!

    Don't worry too much about the novel-length. You and I both know that worrying about it will only drag you deeper and it'll raise all sorts of blocks and negativity. I know it's easier said than done.

    The best I can advise is to write what you love and you'll love what you write. Love and play with your wonderful characters. Don't think about what others think or would/wouldn't like to read in a book. Reviews are SO subjective. This is a lesson I'm trying to learn myself.

    (Sorry, made a mistake in the first comment).

  8. Thanks guys. I appreciate all the support and I swear I'm trying to put that little insecurity bug back in its dark box in the corner.

  9. You're brilliant and significant, Kool-Aid. Now get back to work.


  10. And you my dear, Sunshine-boy, are sassy and adorable, not to mention bossy. *drive-by squishes*