Random #6 - Anxiety

Today's random subject is anxiety, mainly because I'm anxious as hell right now. I have panic attacks and generalized anxiety disorder which unfortunately means that most times I have no idea why I feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin.

Nothing is different about my day today yet my heart is pounding hard enough for me to feel it in my ears. My body feels twitchy on the inside more than the outside. I'm a little disoriented and shaky. To put it bluntly, I'm having a bad day.

A lot of times anxiety goes hand in hand with depression so this time of year is like a 

double whammy for me in that respect. I've pasted the Cycle of Anxiety below and 

I've talked to doctors and what have you, but unfortunately, my anxiety doesn't really 

have a normal pattern, at least not the sudden onset kind like today.

I also have what I call normal anxiety - meaning anxiety that I know the cause of whether it's nervousness about going somewhere, or in my case at the moment, leaving the house. 

Social anxiety falls into that category for me, too. It's been a big one the last couple

of years because I've attended a few conferences. For some reason I can go to

a concert and not worry about it  though. Strange how the brain works.

Anticipation is a big anxiety trigger for me, and on top of that I'm a constant worrier 

and catastrophizer. That all adds up to a lot of pressure but since I know 

those things about myself, I can understand it and control them a little better 

than when my mind and body are turning against me for no reason.

I've been to classes on relaxation and "controlling your anxiety" but generally

the skills they they introduced didn't work for me. Concentrating on your breathing 

is a big skill for anxiety and it seems to work really well for a lot of people, 

but I'm not one of them. When I try to use that skill it just makes me go into 

panic mode and hyperventilate. I've actually passed out because of it. 

Another skill I've been taught is listening to music when anxiety worms its way in.

Usually the suggestions have been soothing music, quiet, serene and calming. That

doesn't work for me either BUT music does work if I rock the volume enough to

raise the roof and of course it's music I love not some

relaxation tape.  

I'm also a big pacer when I'm anxious, preferably with my favourite loud music playing.

I've paced in hospitals, shopping malls, and on the streets. I have a pacing pattern 

in my house, too - it's a circle route between the kitchen, living room and 

dining room. I'm surprised I haven't worn a hole in the floor yet.

This has taken me a long time to finish so I'm going to stop babbling

and go pace while with some loud Christian Kane. Don't forget

to put your name in the hat for my new release on my last post.

I'm giving away a copy of In The Moment.

Have a good one and enjoy my usual dose of Kane.

Christian Kane and Brian Nutter - Hemorrahage (in your hands)

Have a listen - it's pretty awesome and it's not even a country song.