Happy Halloween

My mood and spirit aren't really conducive to Halloween but I'm giving it a try. I always loved Halloween when my 3 kids were little - costumes and decorations and orange lights, always so fun. Now they're older so I wait for the cuteness to come to the door but in the last few years, it's been few and far between. It's probably because our street and our area is getting older so there's just not as many little ones around. Plus with the new areas cropping up, rumour has it they give out "better treats". :) 

I got home after midnight on Saturday night so I didn't get to see my youngest (18) dress up as the Goblin King Jareth (David Bowie) in "Labyrinth". Really long day - 2hrs driving, 2hrs at airport, 4hr flight, 45mins to catch next flight, 3 1/3hr second flight. Long ass day, plus I left my e-Reader on the first flight so that was a real bummer. I've messaged the airline but not sure I'll get it back or not. I swear, even though I have all my books on computer, too, it's still like losing an arm. My writing is going slow, having to push hard to get anything out which is not a good thing considering NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow. But maybe I just need a change in stories - guess I'll see what happens.  Anyhow, enough whining...*squishes everyone*

Happy Halloween from Chili and "Jack"

This pic just shows it's next to impossible to get 2 cats and a pumpkin to stand still for a pic.

Henri says "Happy Halloween", too.

Poem - Introspective contemplation

Introspective contemplation

My soul reaches out for a hand to hold
Sharing of thoughtsA press of lips
A touch of skin
The intimacy of just being held

My heart feels empty but continues to beat
Yearning
Needing
Wanting
Aching
The simplicity of fingers laced together
The intricacy of limbs entwined

My mind seeks comfort
A place to feel free
To smile
To laugh
To accept me for me

My body cries out for physical intimacy
Brushing of fingers
Caressing of skin
Arms wrapped tight around affection-starved nerves
Fabric to fabric
Skin to skin
Muscle to muscle
Heart to heart

The degree doesn't matter
The touch is what counts

"K" is for Kilt (ode to Damon Suede)

Today's post is brought to you by the letter "K" as in KILTS.

I had the pleasure of meeting and hanging out a bit with the fabulous Damon Suede at GayRomLit in New Orleans and the man definitely wears a hot kilt - actually it was the first time I realized how spectacular a kilt can make a hot bootie look. He even answered the often-asked question about what he does or doesn't wear under his kilt - and showed us - unfortunately, there was a little material under there. :)

Despite my love of men in kilts and obviously, Damon Suede, too, I'm also dedicating this post to Mr. Suede since his Facebook account was cancelled today for no apparent reason than he chose to show some pretty pictures of half-naked men or men together - this has not been confirmed but it is a common occurrence on Facebook with those who post pictures of that others take offence to. My opinion on this - if you don't like it, don't look at it. I often wonder if as many accounts with half-naked women are deleted.  Enjoy.

Damon Suede - the man, himself - picture doesn't do him or the kilt justice

(I also borrowed a bunch of these pics from Damon's FB)

Character inspiration...

I know this blog has been pretty depressing lately so I'm going to ignore this damn cold and the fact I'm cancelling the rest of my trip and try to spruce it up a little with some purttty and at the same time pimp some of the characters I'm writing right now. I found this fabulous website with not only interesting articles but the most beautiful pics of men and not even naked men, mostly facial close-ups that are just stunning.

GAYTWOGETHER

 So I had - HAD - to keep looking and looking to see if I could find my characters and in most cases I really, really did.


Finally Home (Christmas story to be released on DECEMBER 27 at MLR Press)(sequel already planned out in my head)

Josiah 

(hair's a little short but everything else is perfect especially the innocent, puppy dog eyes)

 Wyatt

(oh yeah, that's Wyatt, look at those lips)

Perfection of Frailty

(working title - my NaNoWriMo story)

I've mentioned it before - Scottish/Tibetan vamp and his ill human lover

Kael

(sexy, loyal, Scottish warrior/Tibetan monk vampire)

(this pic doesn't show the long, flowing locks :P)

Lucas

(stubborn and in need of help)

The Lion, the Witch and the Wolf

(definitely not the title - just description)

This is another Christmas story I'm working on right now in hopes to have it published.

I'm subbing it to Storm Moon Press or Less Than Three 

- both are small and still accepting holiday stories -

and definite sequels are planned since it will only be about 10,000 words.

Can't decide which pub to send it to - advice anyone?

It's almost polar opposite to Finally Home 

- don't wanna give anything away but the first part involves a chicken. :P

Lucius the wolf

 Alistair the witch

Manny the mountain lion

Kristof the Kermode bear

And of course,

Outfoxed 2

(still working away on it but haven't found any better pics

of Rylan and Gage and the other bandmates so this pic

IS them - other boys to follow)

Getting personal

I have to be honest and say my intention wasn't to put so much personal stuff on this blog, but lately I've just needed the outlet to empty my head of all the crap that spins and floats in there all the time. I have a website - well, actually I have a domain and a place for a website - but I'm not sure it will ever actually become a website so when I have an actual published work all this personal stuff will more than likely be deleted. I don't really want my depression and personal crap introduced into my so-called author life so if this blog ends up being my only website, I'll need to revamp it.

 For now I'm going to be personal because yesterday was one of my worst days in a while. I let the heartless bitchiness of someone I didn't even know or like affect me so badly that most of my day was spent crying and feeling miserable. I deleted my twitter, a social outlet that was important to me both personally and as a networking tool. But I couldn't take the emotion strife that the situation put on me. I'm over-sensitive, always have been, and it's part of the disorder I have, not to mention the depression I've fought with for almost 20 years that can often send me reeling in emotional turmoil for no apparent reason. I'll probably go back to twitter eventually with a new name and a new list of people who I trust and want to talk to because I've met some beautiful people on there, ones I don't want to let go. Maybe.

Luckily I have some friends (you know who you are) and an awesome sister that helped calm me down from my heightened emotional state - at least eventually. I emailed back and forth with one of them over 60 times last night and he made me feel normal and in control again, as well as loved and supported. The problem is I can't say this won't happen again because I know my heart is too open and my soul too sensitive. Trust me when I say I've tried everything to toughen up that skin that's supposed to surround my heart but nothing short of wrapping it in a thick layer of rubber or plastic will change it. I've tried. Shrinks have tried. It's just who I am and how I'll always be. I'm sure living with your emotions on the outside of your skin has its positives too, but at the moment I can't see them. Maybe they let me share and love people a little more unconditionally. Maybe they make me more open as a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen. Maybe they make me more sympathetic and empathetic. I don't know. I'm in a place where I'm not even sure I'm a good person right now and I wonder if I should just crawl back into my hole of anonymity and leave all this internet stuff behind. That would make me really sad because my computer IS my social outlet and I love the friends I have.

I'm babbling now so I'll stop. I'm considering cutting my holiday short and just going home instead of traveling to Seattle and Vancouver - just don't feel really stable at the moment, but I'll give myself a couple of days to decide. Maybe I'll try to write on one of the many (many many) WIPs I have going on or maybe I'll go have a nap and see if my dreams take me to a nice warm place (with a lot of naked hotties) where an over-sensitive person can relax and not worry about getting hurt all the time. Thanks for listening.


Oh and have y'all met my new muse - I can't decide whether to name Sebastian or Hephaistion. His eyes are a brilliant blue and when you put a candle behind them, they literally glow. He's about a foot high and very heavy and detailed. I just had to have him in New Orleans. He's beautiful.

Introspective emo thoughts and Spirit Day

It hasn't been a good week so far. Too many things weighing on my mind and my heart; the suicide of a bright, beautiful young man - the let-down of a week of constant GayRomLit activity and socializing - the absence of contact with on-line friends - the fear of meeting a new friend - the aches of loneliness and unfulfilled love and affection - the frustration of writer's block - the audacity of people who think they can just run over others' feelings because they can hide behind the confines of a group - the constant rain of the past two days - and finally I was accused of being a stalker by someone who likes to bully others. I'm not going to go into that because it was bullshit. I'm not actually going to go into any of it. Just needed to put it down in words to clear some of it from my brain.

 I have no real cause, maybe no real right to feel the way I do. I'm alive, I'm traveling at the moment, my dream of being published is in the process of coming to life, I have people who care about me even though I don't feel I can approach anyone with my loneliness and emo-thoughts right now. I have it made in the shade but my heart is screaming for more. This is my bad time of year so I guess just holding it together is something, and that's what I feel I'm doing - just barely holding it together.

*****
Please read and support the following - today is an important day.

What is Spirit Day? (borrowed from Amara)
Millions of Americans wear purple on Spirit Day as a sign of support for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) youth and to speak out against bullying. Spirit Day was started in 2010 by teenager Brittany McMillan as a response to the young people who had taken their own lives. Observed annually on October 20, individuals, schools, organizations, corporations, media professionals and celebrities wear purple, which symbolizes spirit on the rainbow flag. Getting involved is easy -- participants are asked to simply "go purple" on October 20 as we work to create a world in which LGBT teens are celebrated and accepted for who they are. Learn more & go purple at www.glaad.org/spiritday

Heavy heart and on-line friends

I was going to post about the Gay Romance Literature retreat but my heart is too heavy. I found out today that an on-line friend passed away. I don't know the details or the circumstances and I'd never spoken to him in person or on the phone, but I liked him a lot and found him to have a humorous and caring soul.

 This is just another example of how important on-line relationships can be, how close we can get to people we've never actually met, people we may never meet. Net friends are the lifeline of some of us who tend to hermit ourselves away from real life friends, and in a lot of cases, my on-line friends know more about me, about my feelings, about my hopes and dreams than the people who know me in real life.

I'm lucky to have a handful of RL friends who support and "get me" but my net friends are just as important and often more accessible when I need them or when they need me. I'm not trying to be preachy or anything like that, I'm just tired of people telling me my friends on-line aren't real friends - this weekend at GRL, where I met a bunch of those friends, was proof that those friendships can become just as real. And the emotions I'm feeling with the passing of my "friend" are also proof enough for me.

My condolences, best wishes and thoughts go out to Mores' family and friends. Rest in peace, my friend.

Erotic writing - yes or no?

Supporting my friends... (but I changed the title from In Defence of the Fuckfest for my facebook)

Writing sex is hard. That may sound strange to some people but it's absolutely true. It's not just all "ohhs and ahhs and oh-baby's". It's not - to quote more than one friend who's said this - insert slot A into slot B. Sex is about connection and position and originality. You don't want your characters to do it the same way every time or do it the same way the characters in your last book did it either. It has to ebb and flow and represent the inner workings of the relationship, that connection I mentioned earlier between those doing the sexing. I know a lot of authors who write great, mind-blowing, shift uncomfortably in your seat sex. I'm just not one of those.

I don't write a lot of smut in my fics but I like to have some hot romance here and there between the pages. That's just a personal preference mostly because I don't think I write the actual act all that well so I'd rather through some angst and sap in there, than make my characters look lame or vanilla. That's not to say I don't write the odd scene that's just sex and I do enjoy reading those scenes too, as long as there's plot and characterization attached. I'm not much for PWP (porn without plot) and if the sex in a book is too frequent, becomes redundant or boring, or has too many "oh baby"'s, I tend to skim over it. Again, that's a personal preference.

Telling people what you write is a strange experience sometimes. I usually go with:

Gay Romance
which gets me a look of
WTF
and generally a question of
Are You Gay?
Answer - no.
But you write women having sex with each other? 
Again, no. I write about men.
Gay men? 
Yes.
Like kissing and stuff? 
Yes, relationships.
You don't write, like. *whispers* sex between men, do you? 
Yes, I erotic romances, but that's not the main focus of my writing. I write men in relationships, looking for relationships, hurting from relationships...
You write men having sex with each other? Serious/y? Why? 
*sighs* Because I like it. *big grin*
Oh. *polite smile*

Opinions anyone? Please discuss and go READ THIS:
An amazing manifesto by author Kari Gregg about the fine art of writing erotic romance. Please stop by, share your opinion and show your support.

Zathyn Priest is amazing - that is all

I've been very slack in posting here basically because I've been doing edits and writing blurbs and getting stressed about my trip which starts next Monday. *cheers*  But this post isn't about me, it's about someone I respect and admire and think is the bee's knees, as my grandma used to say.

Zathyn Priest was one of the first authors I read in the m/m genre - Curtis Reincarnation of course - and he's remained a favourite of mine since that first book. If you haven't read it, you really have to. Zathyn is also a beautiful person inside and out and has helped me with my writing and is working on my website. I think I mentioned that I hounded him until he HAD to be my friend and though I may not be completely proud of that, I am a little bit. :)

He took a break from writing for a while but is back full force and has added a fabulous new talent to his repertoire - digital design. His portraits and scenes are breathtaking with intricate details and distinct personalities that shine through the characters. They're beautiful and often risque, and the best part is he's incorporating them into his next book Dystopia which will be a graphic novel. I love seeing his vision on how the characters looks and it gives me more insight into them when I'm reading. Other good news is that he's planning on doing a sequel to The Curtis Reincarnation and I believe it will be a graphic novel, as well. *woots*

Zathyn also has a new website - here's the link ZATHYN PRIEST - BROKEN PENCIL <--click there, that he was lovingly assisted in creating with his fabulous hubby Sam. (who is just too freaking adorable for words).  Anyhow, that's it - go read Zathyn's books now. :) And here's the new covers (well most of them) to give you a little taste of his talent. :)