Okay, not OMG Bacon! But OMG, I've been offered a contract for my Christmas story from MLR Press! The email came this morning at a time when it was really needed, when I was a little down in the dumps, and Oh Emm Gee, it put met through the roof. MLR is where some of my fave writers are - SJ Frost, Jet Mykles, James Buchanan - how intimidating is that?
I'm going to try and act out of character for now and pretend it's not intimidating at all, pretend I'm not shaking with nerves of happiness and fear. I'm going to get on with my day and ignore the fact I have to sign a contract that I really know nothing about, write not 1 but 3 blurbs which were totally invented by the devil himself, decide on a them for the website that Zathyn Priest is helping me make (*squees*), and still have to finish my YA story for the Gay-Straight Alliance for Monday. Just gonna relax and chill and everything will be fine. *faints*
PS I'm also going to have to convince my beautiful Ivan to overlook his cowboy-phobia and read my boys. :P
As a new or hoping-to-be-new-at-some-point author, I find it discouraging that there is always so much grief and overly-critical discussion about whether m/m books are all the same, redundant, badly written, simply reworked plots, characters and sex scenes. I, myself, bitch and whine about some of the books I read for their lack of editing and proofing, but I can usually still appreciate the story and the work that went into it.
This just seems to be a genre that eats its own more times than it encourages new blood, and that's very disheartening to me. It makes me feel like there really isn't a point in putting in the effort to get published, going through the fear, frustration and worry that entails actually sending a manuscript for perusal.
I'm not going to quit, writing is just too important to me, but it is something that weighs on my mind when I hear that a lot of readers won't even give new authors a chance because they just assume the whole genre has become tired and old and uninspiring. I'm not referring to anyone or anything in this post, just relaying my thoughts on the issue.
So I'm trying more structure in my blog so Fridays is going to be Flashback Fridays where I post all the music I still love but most people probably don't. :)
Basically in my younger years (okay and still), if you put some beautiful long hair on a guy, add some tight clothes (or better yet *coughs* no clothes), give him a killer voice and make him sing power ballads, I'd become a screaming fangirl - okay, I still do. Not that I don't have taste, specifications or favourites but... well, never mind.
Hope you enjoy Flashback Fridays.
(PS You're probably wondering that since today is Tuesday and not Friday, WTF am I doing - answer = I just couldn't wait to get the party started)
Warrant - with the talented Jani Lane who passed away 2 weeks ago.
My friend, one of only a handful of RL ones, had to go to the hospital yesterday. She has depression and took some pills - I was talking to her via BBM at the time and called her daughter. I don't think her intention was to end things, just to find some peace in her mind just as I know I've wanted on occasion. Her daughter didn't know what to do so I put my firm mommy-voice on the phone (even though she's older than me) and told her she had to go. Her daughter thanked me later, saying she was glad I was tough with her because she would only seem to listen to me. I think it's because I've been there and she knows it. She's in the hospital now, the best place for her I believe but I'm still worried, you know? I've put people through the same thing so I guess I have an appreciation of the helplessness that comes with not being able to soothe someone's mind when they're feeling that low. Anyhow - my friend is a big dog-lover so I thought I'd post some pics for whenever she can read this post and though she's not the perv man-lover that I am, I don't think she'd mind that I've mixed the dogs up with some pretty men.
I'll start with a few of my fave *coughs* gay porn couple - Samuel Colt and Christ Porter and their adorable pups, Eggs and Bacon. :)
Yeah, as usual I overloaded this post. Sorry about that.
I don't usually use this blog to share my feelings, mainly because I've been burned before by doing so in other places, but I've decided if I have something to say, this is the place to do it. That strange looking cat to the right is pretty accurate in how I feel a lot of the time, like I put this force field around myself so I don't get hurt. I tend to share too much sometimes and with the wrong people, and though I don't regret it all the time and it doesn't hold me back, sometimes it overwhelms my need to be social and "be" with my online friends.
If you know me at all, you know I spent some time in the hospital this year for depression - a really long amount of time actually, and though I've been "okay" since June, the fall brings its one struggles. I'm generally on high alert from the end of August until the end of October because for some reason if I'm going to crash and burn, that's when it happens. Sometimes I handle this by hermitizing myself, not letting anyone into my cave so to speak, which results in me shutting myself from those friends, mostly online ones, that help me so much and that I need more than air somedays.
I'm in that place right now, trying to stay above water and not drown in my own head. Writing is helping and I've managed to finish my Christmas cowboy story - 25,000 words - plus a synopsis which was hell. The problem with this time of year for me and any time that the depression has sought me out, is that when I disappear, my friends think I've done it to stay away from them or I'm being snobby or unsocial, when in fact it's the opposite. It's because I don't feel I have anything of value to contribute or say or I'd be bothering people if I made that first move. Silly, I know, but the truth. In reality, I'm starved for conversation and attention and support and I guess this is my way of saying, if you want to contact me (even if I seem to be out of the loop), please do. Getting emails or pms always make my day anyway, but right now they make my world.
I hope this hasn't sounded too whiny or self-promoting - it's just from the heart, and what I'm trying to say is I don't mind if you give me a little poke once and a while.
I wrote almost 5,000 words on my cowboy Christmas story over the past 2 days, incidentally it's still a Christmas story for now because there may be other pubs that I can submit it to. Anyhow, it was going along great - 15,000 words and about 3-5000 to go - but today I have no motivation or inspiration at all. Could have to do with the three hours sleep I got, don't know why. This is a bad time of year for me and I was feeling pretty good about my progress but insomnia was my companion last night. And that's with the addition of not one but 2 prescription, heavy duty sleeping pills. I won't keep whining to you so my day has consisted of playing Facebook Slots and watching tennis. The latter is a good thing though, at least it was once my secret obsession started playing. So to make me feel better, I'm going to share my beautiful fave tennis hottie with you.
Note - I started watching Rafa (Rafael Nadal) before he was even old enough for me to consider him hot - at least legally - so I had to wait and drool once he turned 18 - that was 7 years ago and he's still just as beautiful except with shorter hair. :)
And a little Rafa man love. :D
Um... Donald where is your hand...er, wing?
Sorry, this ended up really obsessive, I mean long.