Wednesday, September 14, 2011
If you know me at all, you know I spent some time in the hospital this year for depression - a really long amount of time actually, and though I've been "okay" since June, the fall brings its one struggles. I'm generally on high alert from the end of August until the end of October because for some reason if I'm going to crash and burn, that's when it happens. Sometimes I handle this by hermitizing myself, not letting anyone into my cave so to speak, which results in me shutting myself from those friends, mostly online ones, that help me so much and that I need more than air somedays.
I'm in that place right now, trying to stay above water and not drown in my own head. Writing is helping and I've managed to finish my Christmas cowboy story - 25,000 words - plus a synopsis which was hell. The problem with this time of year for me and any time that the depression has sought me out, is that when I disappear, my friends think I've done it to stay away from them or I'm being snobby or unsocial, when in fact it's the opposite. It's because I don't feel I have anything of value to contribute or say or I'd be bothering people if I made that first move. Silly, I know, but the truth. In reality, I'm starved for conversation and attention and support and I guess this is my way of saying, if you want to contact me (even if I seem to be out of the loop), please do. Getting emails or pms always make my day anyway, but right now they make my world.
I hope this hasn't sounded too whiny or self-promoting - it's just from the heart, and what I'm trying to say is I don't mind if you give me a little poke once and a while.