~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~it's all about the love~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Do people make themselves feel better by bullying others?

I need to vent and write my feelings somewhere - so this is my choice of venues.

I'm on holidays and I made a decision while I've been at the lake to not co-author a series that someone had asked me to. I had agreed to take on the task with the stipulation that the only way we'd know if it would work and if we would be compatible was to give it a shot. It ended up being a major project on my behalf and the "red pencil" that I applied to only the first 7,000 words overwhelmed everything else in the document. It was an exhausting endeavour, time-consuming and involved no creative involvement on my part. The first book in the series was 60,000 words and it needed some serious editing.

I made the decision after deciding she was a little too pushy in telling me to think of it as "my job" and maybe I could take a few chapters to NOLA to give to editors and publishers. That all made me uncomfortable and had I wanted to do it, I'd certainly do it with my own work not on something that in all intents and purposes wasn't mine at all. I worded the email carefully, knowing she'd be upset especially since she'd had someone else bow out of the project before me. I didn't put down her writing or her character or anything else like that. I told her that with the right editing, her project could be good and I wished her the best of luck.

The email I got back was scathing, rude, demeaning and bullying. She attacked my character and the fact that I had discussed this with family and friends to make my decision. She said any rational person would be happy with having their name on the cover of the book and 50% of the profits. Excuse me, 50% of nothing is nothing.

She told me there is always a way to work things out when you "make an effort" and proceeded to tell me how normal people work a job, including breaks, lunch, etc. Excuse me again, lecturing me on how I treat my writing or my life is your business why? She accused me of not being an adult, on top of not being rational, plus apparently I have a "decided lack of character and maturity level". She said she was sick of supposedly decent people betraying her faith in them and I should be ashamed of myself.

*sighs* The problem with this situation is I take all criticism and harsh words to heart and when I say to heart, I mean right into the core of my heart where they stay and fester and grow low self-confidence and self-esteem. Not good qualities for an aspiring writer I know. I feel like she's going to spread lies about me and go around telling everyone what she thinks my character is and how rotten a human being I am, and though I shouldn't care, I do and it hurts.

I've whined enough so I'll end this - I hope everyone understands why I wrote it, not to be mean to anyone (I used no names after all) but to clear out my emotional mind of the moment. I'm gonna go back and try to enjoy the rest of my holidays now and maybe try to get back on the proverbial writers' horse before I completely fall off.

Thanks for listening.


  1. I will kick her in the shins on your behalf! Grrr.

    You wrote that you take stuff like that to heart, but I also have the sense from your post that you recognize you absolutely should NOT take her words to heart. She sounds manipulative, a user. And the fact that someone else already bowed out of the project... I'm guessing working with her was the reason.

    You were true to yourself. That's what counts. Good for you. :)

  2. I've never co-written anything with anyone and I can't see myself ever doing it in the future. I think it would be a very difficult and stressful thing if both writing partners aren't absolutely compatible. You made the right choice by backing out when it didn't feel right. And let's face it, if she can't take rejection then she'd better get out of the industry because it goes hand in hand with writing.

    A scathing email reply only prooves that she can't write with a partner. When two work on a project they'll never agree all the time. She'd better get used to that idea before she hooks up with someone else.

    Consider yourself lucky to be out of the situation and concentrate on your own writing. You made the right choice telling her no.


  3. Karen I'm sorry for the situation you have been through. I think you did the right choice and that you have always to do what makes you feel more comfortable with yourself. You weren't trying to hurt her and although I can understand she may be upset she had no reason to hurt you in this way.

    Please, I know it's hard and almost impossible but don't let her word think that something is wrong with you. Listen to the ones who loves you and respect you and listen to THEIR words more than to anything else.

    I'm sending you a crushing hug (believe me, from me it counts double considering I don't usually touch at all), I hope it will make you feel a bit better :)

  4. Sending you big hugs Karen!

    Enjoy the rest of your holidays:)

  5. Sweetpea, you already have my thoughts on this, but just wanted to tell you, you always have my support. *hugs*

  6. Oh my dear, you know what I think about this.
    Don't let this get to you. It really isn't worth it. Just be true to yourself and you know you've made the right choice.

  7. Oh! missed this post! Honey you know how I feel about this, don't let it get you down, it's not worth it. You're a great writer and you just need to keep telling yourself that. *Hugs*