Just a Chubby Kid From Brooklyn
When the sun moved lower in the sky,
reflecting brilliantly on the water, Saul knew it was time to put-up or
shut-up. Technically, he'd already put-out so how hard could putting-up be?
He snuck a glance at Jim. He was relaxed
back on his elbows, the strong planes of his face turned to the weakening sun,
and his legs splayed every which way. Saul often wondered if he'd ever be as
comfortable with his own body as it seemed everyone else was with theirs. The
memories of being teased and taunted as a teenager, the fat-shaming and gay
cruelties, were still fresh in his mind even after more than ten years and a
significant change in his body.
He wasn't that chubby kid anymore, but at
times, he still saw only that guy in the mirror, could only feel the knots
inside that bullied teenager when he was interested in someone. And he was
really interested in Jim. In reality, he had nothing to lose by expressing
himself, but fear tended to twist a vise around his heart when he was reaching
deep for courage. Much as the way it was crushing him right then.
"You…um…" His voice trailed off
while he flattened his palms in the sand, searching for a something to ground
him so he could get through a few simple words. "I was thinking maybe we
could…I don't know, grab something to eat after. You know if you're into that.
Not that I'm pushing for another date—shit, that's not the right word
either."
The sand sifted through his fingers as a
thread of anxiety pressed against nerves, twining around his heart and sending
heat to his cheeks.
"Saul?"
"Yeah." The reply was more
automatic than realized. He didn't dare look at Jim, didn't want to see the
pity or disgust playing on his face, foreshadowing what Jim had to say.
"You know I asked you out in the first
place, right?" Jim's tone was even but light, yet Saul couldn't detect
amusement in his voice. He struggled with an answer that wasn't awkward or
silly, but Jim beat him to the punch. "Because I like you. I'm not sure
what happened between last night and now but that hasn't changed for me."
Saul swallowed around the tension in his
throat before peering up from under the brim of his hat. Jim hadn't changed
positions, still long, lean, sun-kissed limbs and warm, brown eyes.
"Really?"
He flinched when Jim suddenly shifted
towards him, looping an arm around his shoulders and leaning in close.
"Really," he said, licking his chapped lips. "And I kind of
hoped you felt the same way."
"I do. Yeah. Definitely."
"Then how about kissing me to seal the
deal?"
So Saul kissed him—once, twice, ten times
before the sun set, then forty after a week, one hundred more after a month,
ten-thousand more after a year. And if Jim ever saw that chubby kid rear his
insecure head, he just held Saul tighter and kissed him more.
