I want to thank everyone who commented on the first part of this interview with such awesome enthusiasm and lovely support of Jake, R.J. and Benny. I have to be honest in saying I wasn't sure what sort of reaction the interview would garner at all for this Hop because it's not a post specifically written to address homophobia. I also didn't know what to expect when I asked Jake, R.J. and Benny to do this for me, and I couldn't have been more delighted when I discovered just how far they allowed me to delve into their backgrounds and personal thoughts.
I believe the honesty and candidness of these three men, and others like them, is what will help bring homophobia into a new light. I think the feelings and experiences of those who have felt the sting of homophobia, and suffered through it in one capacity or another, is what this hop and the International Day of Homophobia are all about.
With that in mind, I want to thank Jake, R.J. and Benny for making me - someone who believed she was up on the incomprehensible attitudes of homophobia - understand its effects in a more personal way. I also want to thank them for bringing a little hope into a subject that can be all about the unfairness and sadness of a subject that shouldn't be an issue in our society at all. (yes, that's my opinion and I'm sticking to it) Jake, R.J. and Benny's stories are ones of strength, survival and love. Thanks, boys - it's been a sweet ride, and I love you all.

There's a stereotypical slur that gay men cannot be
monogamous. I know that's simply an unsubstantiated falsehood, but I'm
wondering if being in a relationship between three men has brought any
additional homophobic remarks or prejudices your way. Do people judge you and
your partners because you don't have a common living arrangement? Because they
don't understand that you're a family?
Benny:
Some
people are skeptical when they hear about it. They think it’s some progressive
gay "trend". When people actually see us together and how we
interact, I think they immediately understand how it works, and that it’s
actually an extremely stable and fulfilling family unit that we’ve created.
Anyone that has a small enough view of the world to adhere to some arbitrary, contrived
view of what a relationship should be
has no place in my reality.
R.J.:
My mom
doesn’t get it and I didn’t get it for the first two years, but today I can't
imagine my life without either one of them. It's not the normal, but it works
because there is always someone there to love, support, laugh with you. There
is no jealousy (anymore) between the three of us. I think that is key.
I used to
get jealous that Ben and Jake had their own experiences. I wanted to be
included, but being with Ben and Jake the last five years, there is no jealousy
anymore. Jake is very supportive and patient, which is why I think our
relationship has lasted so long. He's the one who worked very hard, and though
I've put him through some crazy shit, he has remained strong for all of us. I
am very lucky to have found him, and am very lucky and grateful to have had his
continued support and love.
Jake, your bio says you're a hopeless romantic—tell me about
that. Are you the only one in the family who has that romantic side? Do you cry
at old romantic movies? Buy your loves flowers or cards just because?
I cry at
everything.
I come
home at night and every one of my four dogs all fight to sit on my lap and kiss
me all over…and I cry.
I sobbed
at the new Man of Steel movie trailer.
I look at
Ben, always with a new hairstyle and looking so perfect and open…and I cry.
I cry
when my performers have success or reach an unexpected goal.
And I cry
when I'm with R.J. and he holds my hand when we remember a special memory from
our past.
I cry
because I am so grateful. My tears are filled with pride. I can't believe that
a skinny little thrown-away queer boy like me now has a life worth living and a
life surrounded by so much love!
I will
always think the best of people even if wronged. And all I ask is that others
trust me until I give them a reason not to.
And
that's my idea of a hopeless romantic—a life not lived in fear, but in
celebration.
R.J.:
I would
say I am a romantic. I cry during movies, but then again I cry during dog food
commercials, too. I guess as I get older, I just cry more—lol.
How about telling me about your current occupations? I know
you've revamped a business from the ground up in a short amount of time, an
accomplishment that needs to be shared in my opinion. How did you get started?
And what sort of work do your jobs entail?
Benny:
I do a
lot of the website operations management, web design, programming, technology
development. I also give my two cents on this and that when it comes to
production.
We
started as wholesalers and distributors for gay adult DVDs, and we also ran an
online retail DVD store. We bought CockyBoys from the original owner about four
years ago, and that was our first foray into managing a production website. We
spent the first year or so just figuring out how to run and manage a successful
membership website. It was in the second year that we really felt confident
enough to relaunch it and really take the vision and creative direction of the
site into a whole new direction that was entirely our own.
R.J.:
I still
do some acting and modeling, but since there is so much downtime in my
business, I started to help around the office, everything from booking models'
flights, to ordering lunch, and driving them to the airport. I've always loved
taking pictures, and when Jake bought me a camera and encouraged me to shoot
some candid behind the scenes photos of the models, I hesitated. I thought, I
wasn't any good, and these guys were professional models. What did I know about
taking models pictures?
Well, 2
years later, I am now very confident when I shoot, I know exactly who and what
I want to shoot, and if I don’t know then once I'm in the room and I get a feel
for the model, I know how to shoot them.
I am very
grateful to Jake for getting me started in photography. I feel like I am
continually growing and improving and am so excited when I see the comments on
the website about what the fans think of the work.
Jake:
Currently,
I am the CEO and lead director at CockyBoys.com—a gay adult entertainment
company dedicated to the healthy, creative, and erotic exploration of gay sex.
Through CockyBoys, I have produced, written, and directed four feature films—Name of the Game, Project GoGo Boy, The
Haunting, and Max & Jake's RoadStrip.
My nom de plume is Jake Jaxson, but I began
my career at a young age creating elaborate stage plays with my vast collection
of stuffed animals and Disney records. My crowning achievement was a one-man
show in which I performed all the parts to the Disney soundtrack album, Pinocchio, and I won particular praise
for my crafty and nimble performance of the Sly Fox.
Since
then, I have produced numerous "mainstream" award-winning
documentaries, TV shows, and independent films, highlighted by an Emmy Award
win for a made-for-TV special produced as a love letter to my beloved New
Orleans.
I got
into the Adult Business by accident. I was a partner in a marketing company
that was on the forefront of developing online "street" and viral
marketing, and we had taken on a few adult clients. The online adult space at
the time was going through a bit of a transformation, with a new
entrepreneurial mindset that wanted to create marketing strategies that were
customer service friendly—not that bait-and-switch mentality it was known for.
I really enjoyed being able to work in a strategic space that had no
boundaries, where we could see immediately what worked and what did not
work—not the long tail approach to more traditional marketing. It was only a
matter of time before my partners and I saw that running our own customer
friendly adult sites—built on customer satisfaction and loyalty—was a lucrative
business. So we began acquiring properties in the adult space and CockyBoys.com
is now the crown jewel.

Jake:
Thank you
for the kind words. I love the process of social media—Twitter, Tumblr, and
Instagram. I give all the credit to Benny for getting me started. I am usually
hopeless with anything technical and have no patience for it. But once I
started, there was no stopping me. In fact, I consider it part of my creative
process and my art. I did study film and broadcast journalism at Loyola
University in New Orleans, and spent two summers in London at BFI studying the
work of Peter Greenaway.
I never
studied or worked as a photographer. My partner, R.J., is a photographer and
the Director of Photography for all of my current work. In fact, I don't think
what I'm doing now would be possible without him and his eye. I can direct a
scene now with a few words or a hand movement and he knows what I'm thinking.
The best representative of our work is in our soon-to-be-released series, A Thing of Beauty. http://jakejaxson.com/post/49399188664/a-thing-of-beauty-is-a-joy-forever-john-keats
Every
time I work on that project, my love for him expands. I'm blessed to be able to
create with the most important person in my life.
Also, my
current set of photos for Doorways & Windows, and even my recent set of
drawings and watercolor paintings are because of Benny. He saw I was bogged
down in the business part of our company, and I was dying—the stress of the
day-to-day grind was making "me" disappear. He had seen my creative
process from the past, before we knew each other, and he was always encouraging
me to get back to what I loved. But I always had an excuse. Then one Christmas,
he bought me a paint set and an easel, and that was the start of a kind of
reawakening. Plus, he is one of the most curious and "in the now"
people I've ever met—he would never let me escape to routine, day-to-day
mediocrity.
And Benny, I've seen some of your beautiful woodwork on
Twitter. How long have you been creating these wonderful pieces? Are you
selling them or are they just for yourself?
Benny:
Thanks.
I’ve been making furniture for about half a year. I got into it because I’d see
something that I wanted to buy, and I realized that I could make it myself.
Plus, I always enjoy trying out new projects or skills. I started selling my
furniture in November of last year, and it’s turned into a thriving little
business. I’m working on growing that business in my free time.
Finally, do you have any words of wisdom or just plain words
to offer on the subject of homophobia? Anything you'd like to say to young men
who haven't come out yet or are struggling with doing so?
Benny:
It’s
cliché to say, but it gets better. It’s hard when you’re young, because you
can’t exactly break free of unhealthy atmospheres the way you can when you’re
an adult. Some kids don’t have the option to get away from unsupportive
parents, or escape from schools where they’re bullied. But once you’re an
adult, you have endless possibility to do anything you’d like, and sculpt your
world into anything you can imagine. Till then, it doesn’t matter what anyone
thinks of you.
The only
important thing is what you think of
you, and that you accept yourself. And when you think you’re completely alone
and detached, know that the world that the homophobes have created is tiny,
small and limited. When you break free of their world, there will be endless
possibility for you to sculpt reality into anything you want.
We’re
lucky enough to live at a time where the tides are really changing in favor of
gays. The ignorant, small-minded folk are slowly dying off, and taking their
archaic ideas with them. Good riddance.
R.J.:
My
advice—surround yourself with people who love and support you. Come out when
you are ready. And know that it does get better. One thing I've learned is that
most of us are self-centered and selfish, so when you believe someone might be
thinking negatively toward you or saying negative things about you, the reality
is, that person is really scared and worried about what "you" are
thinking of them.
Jake:
First of
all, thank you for allowing us to share our experiences. I am grateful because
this process has connected me to some thoughts from my past I needed to
re-acknowledge.
It's
important to always be grateful, even when things seem bad or are bad. I have experienced the deepest,
darkest pits of hopelessness, and I work very hard to never go back there. And
that's a daily activity. I have trained myself to wake up each morning and
immediately think about or write down what I am grateful for. The FIRST thought
in my day is always a positive one—this helps me battle the inevitable negative
energy that will come my way every day. In fact, Benny found me a
"gratitude app" which I'm still getting used to, but it's an amazing
application so check it out!
My
advice—don't live your life as a victim. So many strong, heroic individuals
have fought, lived, loved, and bled for all of us to be standing here in an
increasingly more accepting world. We must celebrate and acknowledge their
fights and sacrifices. There is still more that needs to be done for all of us
to enjoy full equality, but that will only happen if we stand tall and proud—as
people and not victims!
Before I let you off the hook, I like to ask my guest a few
multiple choice questions to lighten the mood a little at the end of an
interview.
Here we go.
Beach or mountains?
Jake:
Beach with mountain view (very
tricky, Jake)
Benny:
Mountains
R.J.:
Beach
Coffee or tea?
Jake:
Coffee in the morning—Tea in the afternoon—Me at night. (lol)
Benny:
Coffee
R.J.:
Coffee
Apple or orange?
Jake:
Apple
Benny:
Apple
R.J.: Apple (Honeycrisp) (I've never heard of those, will have to try
them)
Long-stemmed roses or wildflowers?
Jake:
Wildflowers
Benny:
Wildflowers
R.J.:
Wildflowers (all agreed - fabulous)
Pecs or abs?
Jake:
Pecs
Benny:
Abs
R.J.: Abs
Smile or eyes?
Jake:
Smile with eye contact (always
causing trouble, Jake)
R.J.:
Both
Socks or bare feet?
Jake:
Socks
Benny:
Bare feet
R.J.:
Bare feet
Top or bottom? ;)
Jake: I'm
a top but love both!
Benny:
Both
R.J.:
Always (Lol, I think RJ won that
question)
I hope you all enjoyed this interview and the lovely photos that went with it. How freaking cute are those puppies? Again, it's been a pleasure, guys. Thanks so much for stopping by.
Your answers were inspirational and thought-provoking to me, and I think others
will agree. I hope you have a very successful and puppy-filled rest of the
year.
~*~*~
In honor of the
International Day Against Homophobia, I will be making a donation to The Trevor Project, and in an awesome
gesture, Jake, R.J. and Benny will be making a donation, as well, on behalf of
CockyBoys. As for my giveaway, leave your name and email address in a comment
and I will be drawing for three books on my backlist once the HAHAT is over.
Leave your name and email address in a comment, (and say something nice, of course) and I will be drawing for two books from my backlist, as well as a $15.00 gift certificate for All Romance Ebooks, once the HAHAT is over on May 27.
~*~*~
What a brilliant interview (both parts!)
ReplyDeleteI'm a big fan of Jake and the work he does. It seems to me that Cockyboys are blurring the line between porn and erotica, and that line is becoming more and more blurred as their artistic vision comes through. It's a pretty good time to be a Cockyboys member!
Again...a wonderful piece......love these guys....janer50
ReplyDeleteI'm loving part 2! So informative, and the answers to the "hopeless romantic" questions had me sighing like a little Muppet girl. I just want to sit down with them, eat apples, and discuss Greenaway's THE PILLOW BOOK with Jake (not just because of nonstop naked Ewan McGregor in it...I have a theory about a plot point that no one can confirm or deny for me). I wish them all continued success!
ReplyDeletevitajex(at)aol(dot)com
I had to laugh at Benny growing a furniture business in his free time. How do these men have free time? They're each incredibly multi-faceted individuals, pursuing a variety of interests and talents. Add to that 2 significant others each, and oh yes - four dogs - and it's a wonder they have time to sleep!
ReplyDeleteThank you Jake, Benny and R.J. for the interview and all the dog pictures, they are adorable! I am finding so many new people to follow and learning so much from this hop. You sound like a wonderful family. Thank you K-Lee as well.
ReplyDeleteThe second part was just as good as the first :)
ReplyDeletepeggy1984 (at) live (dot) com
It was great fun and really amusing to read the interview. I loved getting to know Jake, Benny and R.J. better and the glimpse they gave us readers (and fans) of their lives. Great questions and answers from you all. Thank you =)
ReplyDeletehumhumbum AT yahoo DOT com
I really love this interview, both parts of course.
ReplyDeleteThank you for giving us this insight into the personalities and lives of these three guys. I love your questions and the variety of it all - and of course the answers. I laughed, cried and loved this!
Thank you also to RJ, Benny and Jake for sharing this piece of yourself with us :)
Trixi
tenshiiieeATgmailDOTcom
Great interview...I love these guys. :)
ReplyDeletemorris.crissy@gmail.com
My heart hurts and is full of love at the same time. What a wonderful interview. Thank you so much. It's great to meet these beautiful guys. I wish the three of you nothing but the best. Going to go donate to The Trevor Project.
ReplyDeleteJojo2013.jo@aol.com
Thanks for the next part of the interview! Loved seeing the fur babies, so sweet!
ReplyDeleteOceanAkers @ aol.com
Sigh, just when I think I can't love Jake anymore! I love the other two as well but I adore every single thing about Jake/Jason..
ReplyDeleteThanks for a great interview!
Lisa fanficcrazyiam@gmail.com
I friggin' loved this interview. Great job, K-Lee ^.^ I'd never heard of CockyBoys (that I can remember), but I'm now curious to check it out.
ReplyDeleteTo Jake, Benny and R.J., you sound like three awesome men and I'm glad that you found each other. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and memories.
Erica
Loved the interview! Jake, don't worry, I'm a crier too. I started tearing up as I was reading your answer from the joy and the adorableness!! Thanks so much for sharing guys, especially about being in a threesome, as I've always wondered how that would work emotionally and such. Thanks a bunch guys!
ReplyDeletetiger-chick-1(at)hotmail(dot)com
I loved this interview so much. The guys respect and love for each other bursts from the page. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside ^_^
ReplyDeleteMay the three of you and your gaybies live long and happy lives together :)
penumbrareads(at)gmail(dot)com
Another great interview. Thanks
ReplyDeletesstrode at scrtc dot com